This is week six of the writing blog. We were told and make corrections and rewrite the previous writing blog from week 5. With the knowledge that we learned this week after presenting to the class, I then went back and re-wrote some of the parts and made adjustments from last week’s writing.
I just woke up and I don’t have a clue where I am. I can taste blood in my mouth and I feel like I have been heavily drugged. Everything is very blurry and I feel numb with wires and machines attached to me. The doctors rushed in to see that I’m slowly gaining conscience. “Hello Sir. Do you know where you are?” the doctor asked. “What happened?” I said slurring the words out and trying to sitting up. But there were too many wires attached to me. “Relax. You’re in a safe place... So you don’t remember what happened?” I shook my head instead of saying no. “You had a brain injury in Iraq. We’re in a hospital in Landstuhl, Germany. There is a good chance that we might have to remove your spleen soon, if the swelling doesn't go down. The doctor continued to explain what was happening but I’m having a hard time understanding what was going on. I can’t remember anything and I’m having a hard time speaking. This is what I can remember two days ago. Before this incident. What I could recollect and before the memory losses. It’s the final ending days of the the Iraq War. I remember looking up at the sun and it was blindingly bright. All the bombs, explosives, missiles and munitions are being packed in the Ammo Supply Depot and are being moved into the airfield. I was a machine gunner and the munitions and explosives ordnance expert in charge of millions of dollars worth of military explosives. It’s typical scorching 120 degree in Balad, Iraq, one hour away from capital, Baghdad. I remember working the whole year nonstop with sixteen to eighteen hour working days, with no days off. Not to mention the indirect fire, random bullet hits, rockets, mortars, and lack of sleep. Sleep is a luxury, and I wish I was in bed now. I’m starting to miss the days when I use to wake up on Sunday mornings racing my brother to watch television, I would watch cartoons like Dragon Ball Z or Dexter’s Laboratory with a bowl of cereal, back when I was younger. Then after thinking about cereal and food, my stomach is now growling. Recently they told us that we need to start rationing our food and water because it was running low. Two months ago they told us that there is no more showering and no more laundry. I’m so hungry, I’m so tired, and I smell like an animal’s corps, but I’m happy because we are told that we are going back home soon. There’s a sand storm right now and I can’t believe I’m thinking that this is great because this will blot out the sun. It’s the simple things in life, I guess. So me and my friends decided to run to a in a large conex container or shipping container, it’s once you see at dockyards. I figure this is a good and safe place to hide while sand storm continues. I then sat down and continued to wait. This sand will get into anything and everything but I’m content and secured with my friends and this girl that I had a crush on was there while we wait. I guess must have dozed off. I looked up and my friends were carrying me into a humvee or military jeep. I asked them what happened. Nobody said anything. Everyone of my friends looks worried and sad with fear was in their face. The girl that is with us was crying now and said goodbye to me. I feel so confused.Why am I bleeding? They rushed me into the hospital and they started cutting my clothes off. I’m feel so tired. The doctors were yelling. “ Keep him awake!” But when woke up, I was in a hospital in Landstul, Germany. Something must have went off when I was inside of the conex container during the sand storm.
2 Comments
Coleman Clark
10/8/2018 09:23:43 am
WOW! The starting action made this whole thing so much better and it also made the story more real. The dialog was so good and helped to seal the description and transition into the story. Great job
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Devon
10/8/2018 04:59:27 pm
the additions you made to your story just made it even better than it previously was. i could completely picture what it was like for you to wake up in the hospital.
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Ray CabanceI'm a student at Delaware County Community College and I major in Criminal Justice. Currently working for the State of Pennsylvania Department of Corrections. Archives
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